JL KAH

We hold many beliefs.  And some of us tend to assume that what we now hold to be true as really the truth.  It is not uncommon to form an opinion on someone we know.  That this person is unappreciative.  That the other person is self-centered.  That another is proud.  We are also quick to form an impression on the people we know little about.  How?  Through their appearance and the way they talk, walk, dress and behave.  We may also dislike an activity or even a country even though we may not have tried the activity or stepped foot into that country.  Why is this so? Because someone tells us so.  Because so and so tells us that the activity is boring.  Because the media tells us that the country is far from our liking.

Let me share my story with you.  For several years, I had a bad impression of Taiwan.  Why?  Thanks to the media.  Whenever there is news on Taiwan, what I get to see is politicians (including lady politicians) fighting like thugs in the street.  Although it may seem amusing at times, slowly but surely, I was lead to believe that this is a ‘distasteful’ place to be in.  This goes on for a long time and I tell myself that if the leaders can behave in such a manner, what more can I expect from its people and the place?  So, I made up my mind that I would never want to visit the country and was pretty sure that my decision was correct.

Somehow, by some twist of events, I find myself heading to Taiwan for a vacation.  I was mentally prepared for a so-so or even lesser holiday.  But, I have to admit that I was wrong and so terribly wrong.  Since the trip, my impression of Taiwan took a 180 degree turn.  It is a lovely country with friendly and helpful folks, vibrant night markets, yummy desserts and great tasting fruits and coffee, thrilling coach ride up and through steep mountains, leisurely train ride amidst scenic sea view, relaxing dip in hot spring, cool and nice weather…

Can you think of any negative or limiting beliefs you are currently holding? Whether of yourself, another person, an activity, a place, a type of food, a type of job etc.  Be open to the possibility that what you are holding may not really be the truth even though you may have held them for ages.  Think about it.  Re-look at it.  And hopefully something wonderful and refreshing awaits you.

Sometimes we can get terribly upset and hurt when others let us down especially so if they are our loved ones.  Our world shatters when their behavior runs counter to the way we expect them to be.  We harbor ill feelings.  We bear a grudge.  We cannot accept their behavior.  Why must they hurt us like that?  Before you wallow further in your sorrows, why not ask yourself, “Hey, am I perfect in the first place?”

We all know that we are imperfect.  That’s the common denominator of human beings.  We too have our fair share of flaws.  Some of us are grumpy.  Some may worry too much.   Some are sadists.  Some are revengeful.  Some are rebellious.  Some are full of themselves.  Some are rude and demanding.  Some are jealous.  Some like to gossip.  Some are distant and cold.   Some are wasteful.  Some are selfish.  Some are stingy.  Some are ungrateful.  Some are insensitive and the list goes on.  If we have flaws, then why do we expect others to be perfect?  Why do we feel agitated when others are not behaving in a certain manner?

Although we are not perfect, there’s no denying that we are all great in our own ways.  Focus on the greatness of others.  See the good in them.  Don’t let isolated unpleasant happenings affect the relationships.  Learn to accept that sometimes people will not behave in the way we expect them to be.  Just as sometimes we may hurt others unintentionally.  See the irritants as part of the big picture.

When we accept that no one is perfect, we will be less demanding on ourselves and others and can enjoy better and rewarding relationships.

” I have flaws and you have flaws so there’s no reason to bawl.  I accept your flaws and you accept my flaws and our relationship can surely soar.”

I used to think that I am lousy at drawing.  I remember having phobia attending Arts classes during my schooling days.  The teacher is extremely fierce and whenever she speaks, it’s like thunder.  When she starts to scold, you can imagine the ground beneath her giving way.  Come to think about it, I don’t remember ever seeing her smile.

There was one incident that left a deep imprint in my mind.  That round, we were  supposed to draw and paint anything related to the sea.  We were told to find a suitable picture and reproduce it.  I had a tough time.  I remember I was still working on the drawing at about 2am to 3am in the morning of the deadline.  I felt frustrated and as I fought back my tears, I splashed black paint all over the drawing.  There was a small sampan in the sea.  The sky was dark.  The sea was even darker and stormier.  The waves were threatening.  It was raining heavily with bolts of lightning.  The winds were howling.  It was a scary sight.

Although I did not fare too badly for that piece of artwork, I began to hate Arts.  It was a torture attending Arts classes.  My drawings were stiff and dead.  I  kept telling myself that I was really bad at drawing.  That I was not even able to draw simple objects decently.

However, I made a stunning discovery recently.  I have always been fascinated with cartoons.  The adorable Disney characters.  The cartoon bear.  The cartoon man.  The cartoon animals.  The cartoon monsters.  All kinds of cartoons.  One day, out of nowhere, a small voice whispered to me, “Why don’t you learn how to draw cartoons?”  Without much thought, I responded,”I am lousy at drawing.  I can never draw.”

Strangely, some days later, I surfed the internet on cartoon drawing and found an interesting website that teaches cartoon drawing online.  I followed the instructions and was pleasantly surprised that I could draw stick man, wooden man and sausage man.  Although these are basic level drawings and do not call for much drawing skill, I feel very proud of my master pieces.

Can you believe it?  Someone who has, for years, lost faith in drawing can finally draw something decent?  Now I am confident that with practice, I will be able to draw better.  How naive of me to have carried the thought for years that I cannot draw and deprive myself of such immense pleasure and deep fulfillment.

Have you ever been told that you are hopeless at something?  Have you ever been told that you are not cut out for a job?  Have you somehow lost faith after having gone through some bad experiences?  If your answer is positive, do have second thought.  Re-examine the situation.  Be open to possibility as the truth may turn out to be otherwise.

Never let anyone or previous bad experience stifle your potential or creativity.  Regain your faith and let yourself shine.

We live in a fast-paced world.   People are always on the move.  Rushing from one place to another.  Performing one activity after another.  Sometimes, even attempting to do many things at one time.  We have become addicted to doing.  We feel right being in action.  We think that we are being productive in doing so.  We feel uneasy when there is a long break between activities and try to fill the time in between with more activities.

Imagine an article written without any punctuation marks.  What do we get?  A string of words without meaning.  The rest between words and sentences is to provide clarity and give meaning.  Observe your breathing.  Try breathing in all the time.  Can you?  No, you can’t.  You need to pause to breathe out.  You need to pause to enable.

The same is true for living a meaningful life.  Stop to take stock of where you are in life.  Determine if you are in the right direction.  Pause for clarity.  Pause to move forward to where you want to go.  When you are angry, pause.  Refrain from speaking immediately.  Reframe your thoughts.  Substitute unpleasant thoughts with loving thoughts.  Switch from negative to positive mode.  When you are stuck at work, take a break.  If you continue doing what you are doing, you will get what you are getting.  Relax.  Go for a walk.  Do something different.  Come back refreshed and rejuvenated.

Instead of getting yourself mindlessly busy, why not consciously pause to bring clarity, balance, meaning and joy into your life?  Pause and experience a world of difference.

We study in schools yet learn more outside of schools.

We live in bigger houses yet have smaller families.

We have bigger beds yet have less time to sleep.

We have the money yet have little time to enjoy.

We have higher incomes yet our happiness index is lower.

We eat rich food and end up having rich man’s disease.

We have fast food yet still slow to catch the movie.

We work super hard and our heart takes a beating.

Strangely the more we give, the more we get.

The more we have, the more we want to have more.

We now have more possessions but less values.

We spend more money on our outer appearance than more time on our inner soul.

We talk too fast, walk too fast yet slow to praise and hug.

We have more knowledge yet create more problems.

The earth supports us yet we we do things to harm the earth.

We need to go through hell before we realize what is well.

We need to lose love before we learn how to love.

We learn how to make a living yet we do not know how to live a life.

We study stars 1000 light years away from Earth yet we know little of our inner self.

We do not stop playing because we grow old;  We grow old because we stop playing.

We cry when we enter the world;  Others cry when we leave this world.

Is death the end or is it just the beginning?